Higher wisdom

it is the need for understanding yourself. prayer is a form of meditation and meditation is basically concentrating very deeply on that which is yourself. you ask for what you at your heart want. when you get deep into meditation you will realize things which are so profound and so amazing that they will make your whole existence an ecstatic place of never ending knowledge and wisdom. you will reach places where no longer does the struggle of your self mater and it enters a realm of the struggle of all of humanity as a whole. you start to think in unison with the existence which you perceive from an outer perspective towards the existence around you. it is an amazing experience which i greatly encourage you to adventure to.

the worst of my life right now

you were afraid of getting hurt and by being this you hurt the very one you were afraid of being hurt by. now i am empty i have no place to lay my emphasis. i cared so much i wanted so much it was only going to be good but now it is all gone. now i have no place to put myself. i feel like a blank page with no pen you were my pen you were my feather. its gone now and i dont know what to do. i have dreams of finding your head severed grusomely from your body in a box this quickly procedes to be a dream of finding my own head in a box. i wake up in the morning not knowing what i did last night only to hear from people that i was a completely diffrent person that i was awake all night long that i was partying agian that i was alive and doing stuff but i remember going to sleep earlier than that. i go to work and people tell me that i am crazy it makes me happy because i feel that crazyness is a good thing but then at times i realize that i realy am crazy and that i am falling deeper and deeper into it and i dont even know what i am typing right now i am just listening to the music and crying but i dont know what is going on i have to wake up at 3 and go to work and count 18oo dolars exact to the peny and dont know how i am going to do it. i dont know anymore i just need to be surrounded by those i love agian. i have so much love and i dont know what to do whith it if only someone would come save me from myself

empty

i just dont know what to do with myself. i have to much time to myself. there isnt anything i can acomplish at this point in my life. i have completed all the opertunity i have and the only opertunities which i havent acomplished are to far away for me to even work at them right now. all i can do is wait.

there are a fiew things which i can do but none of them are things that will directly acomplish anything. they are all personal acomplishments which require passion and drive to achieve. at this current time in my life i dont have the passion or drive. there is nothing to live for other than the prospect of a beter future in the distant future. i look forward to nuthing in the current position i am in.

i guess this chapter of my life would be called the waiting game. i have achieved enlightment and now all that is left is time.

striving

i feel like a submarine sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

as i fall the pressure builds.

the sun is moving away and all i have left of it is my memory.

my skin is starting to wrinkle and fail.

i have been sinking for so long that my memory is starting to deteriorate.

even as the memorys leave me the pressure is still building with no end in sight.

i am starting to forget why the pressure is building.

i find myself striving for the final implosion which will release the pressure and leave me as a peacefull shell of the thing that i once was laying at the bottom of the ocean at one with my surroundings.

care

i wish she could just contact me. i only nead to hear it once. i need to know that she is ok.

when i was a young boy my partents constantly pushed on me to raise myself to be the man with the perfect values. one who would care for someone nomater what they did. the reason i have found to be able to care is because people only do things becuase in their reality that is the best option. they have to do it and it shouldnt offend you that that person is not you.

i understand that she may be going through a mental breakdown and that she may need to dissapear for a while. i just wish that i could have a little glance of what the future of her existance looks like to her so i can understand weather i fit into it anymore. i realy want to fit in but if the changes that have happened have pushed one out of the path it would be nice to know this and to get on with it. this sounds a little negative but it isnt ment to sound negative.

i have to much care in me and when there is no place for my care to drain to it is like i am a watter balloon atached to the end of a hose with no child to turn the watter off when i get full. i burst a little last night. it probably hurt but i cant remember it because of the alcohol.

i just want to hear that she is ok

waste

we are always trying to correct eachothers spelling, vocabulary, and usage of words. why try to fix grammer, as long as we understand the point why does it matter. language is a changing thing. it has always been a changing thing in one day and age negro ment black as in the color of black at one time it ment a derogatory term for the african american type of person who was a slave and generaly viewed as less than human. the term retard means to make slow, or to delay the development or progress of. but in one time it was a derogatory word that meant the people who are less than us and had bound to it a negative thought. at this current time in my generation retard means people with mental slowness there is no derogatory meaning bound it is simply a term. why must people get offended when we dont capatalize the begining of a sentance. what are capatal leters for. i can understand capatals in names or in capatalizing a full word to emphesize the word within the sentance. but why must we capatalize the begining of a sentance or capatalize i and other words.

the human race at the current time is a very wastefull being. i think the main reason for this is that we have up untill recently been ruled by a select fiew who got lucky enough to gain an advantage phisicaly. these people got very gready and specialized very much so in what made them proud. this specialization was what created laws. they wanted to keep their happy little place that was very customized to allow only their way of life to exist. the subconsous tends to be happy when things do not change, this is why i would imagine the people of power in the past would inforce such laws that would limit the ability of the race to be efficient. everyone is efficient in diffrent ways.

calling the revolutionaries

just imagine that you were around durring the begining of any great scene, the rave scene, the hippy scene, the young rock scene, the young indi scene, any of the young scenes. now immagine the connections you would have with the people who helped you form this scene. wouldnt it be an unforgetable feeling. it would be one of those times you would think back on for the rest of your life as one of the best times of your life. it would be invaluable.

at the current time in our society and our world people are realy without a path. we dont realy know what is to come we are scared we are in a depression. most people dont expect much good to come soon. because of this it is actualy much easier to get ahead of the pack. the pack is hiding in the backround trying not to get hurt because they are constantly told that the hurt will be coming. if one just steps out and trys during a time like this the advantages could be immense. you could gain such an advantage over the ones around you that you would be in pure extacy riding on a cloud of ecstacy with no one to slow you down.

now is the perfect time to help people, it is the perfect time to inspire and to create. with the newfound honesty of the world and the newfound sense of peace, there could be a revolution of unknown prosper.

i want to bring uppon a new wonderfull thing for this world but the people of this world have to help me for it to happen. i dont know what it is that i want to create, but, the people of this world do. if we bring togeather our thoughts and values we can create the incomprehensable

burning man without the old naked men

being old and naked isnt a bad thing. being depressed about the fact that you went through a mid life crisis, and expressing it by trying to make your uglyness and your lack of success in a certian field beautiful isnt the way to go. if you make it to half way through your life and you find that you are having a mid life crisis you shouldnt try to do the same thing that put you into the mid life crisis beter or the wright way when you feel that you did it wrong before. by trying to make your old thing pritty you arent fixing it, you are just puting a mask over it. once you realize you have done something bad in your life dont get depressed about the fact that you have. you should be happy because you now know what to not do and you now will be on the way to fixing it and it will be beter soon. by being negative after realizing this you are just hindering yourself more from improving and becoming happy.

when i become old i will be naked and i expect it to be a rather un apealing sight. so i may paint on my back "look at the ugly" with an arow pointing to my ass. i may wear a afro wig on my front to keep people from having to look at my gnarly penis. i will not try to make myself look prety when i am actualy ugly. people naturaly, out of the corner of their eyes, see what they expect, and after turning to look at what they expect to be an apealing sight realize what it realy is. this is the same reason that in optical illusions you can never see the black dots or why dim stars disapear when you look at them. dont make people think they are going to see beautiful yung ass only to see hairy flabby dirt.