the worst of my life right now

you were afraid of getting hurt and by being this you hurt the very one you were afraid of being hurt by. now i am empty i have no place to lay my emphasis. i cared so much i wanted so much it was only going to be good but now it is all gone. now i have no place to put myself. i feel like a blank page with no pen you were my pen you were my feather. its gone now and i dont know what to do. i have dreams of finding your head severed grusomely from your body in a box this quickly procedes to be a dream of finding my own head in a box. i wake up in the morning not knowing what i did last night only to hear from people that i was a completely diffrent person that i was awake all night long that i was partying agian that i was alive and doing stuff but i remember going to sleep earlier than that. i go to work and people tell me that i am crazy it makes me happy because i feel that crazyness is a good thing but then at times i realize that i realy am crazy and that i am falling deeper and deeper into it and i dont even know what i am typing right now i am just listening to the music and crying but i dont know what is going on i have to wake up at 3 and go to work and count 18oo dolars exact to the peny and dont know how i am going to do it. i dont know anymore i just need to be surrounded by those i love agian. i have so much love and i dont know what to do whith it if only someone would come save me from myself