My Glass is Empty

     My glass feels so full all the time, the memories and the feelings passed are so strong they cause the illusion of being full. There is constantly a remembrance, this remembrance has such emotion that it is almost infallible. It has been so long, it feels like the memories are fading, like it is draining. The odd thing is that the emptier the glass the more I have to give. Then my glass has been completely empty in the passed all I have wanted was to give my love to someone else, I didn't even care if I got any back. There is a paradox, we constantly think of the contents of the glass as being the love given by others. The love we give has 2 sides the side we give, and the side we keep. The side we keep is almost more important than the side we give. If we could give love, feel that it was being taken, appreciate, and accepted openly, and returned with simple friendship, we would still feel love. By giving love we are filling our own glass. If people could learn to accept love without feeling a responsibility to return it in equal amounts people would feel much more willing to give love. We would all have more love given and more to give. Love is a one sided thing, it can be 2 sided and can be better when it is 2 sided, but, it still is not a bad thing when 1 sided. It still fills the glass. Accept the love that is given to you all.

My Future

     So after Burning Man my first agenda will be to spend no money and to save it all for moving to southern California. During this time of spending no money I will be watching craigslist for job listings in the area of southern California that i want to move to. I currently think I should get a job in manufacturing of some kind because that is what i am good at. Production manager would be a good position but I think I should change it up a little so I learn something. I could possibly work as a research technologist or something of that sort. The main importance is that I see jobs that I could work during this period and think about what qualities I have that would fit into these positions. I need to familiarize myself with the job market and with my capabilities of fitting into it. During my free time I can slowly push myself to become, or to know the position of the job which I would fill so that i can better achieve this job.

     After preparing myself for the next stage in my life being new job I will end up moving, working at Starbucks part time, finding that job which will fill my 40 hour work week, keeping working 20 hours at Starbucks, till either I don't need medical insurance with Starbucks anymore or till I cannot put up with it, whichever is longest. After this I will stop working with Starbucks, continue working my manufacturing job, making a reasonable salary. I am hoping I have the financial strength to save up during the 60 hour week period to purchase a car of some kind.

     I would prefer a VW Rabbit diesel truck for practical reasons or some other more suitable small compact car for driving/fun reasons. I could imagine having a VW Rabbit diesel truck/motorcycle combo but I don't imagine buying both the truck and the motorcycle at the same time. I, at this current time, fully think the better option is to buy the truck and then the motorcycle or the motorcycle than the truck and no small economy car because the economy car doesn't fit either of my needs fully but would cost about the same as both combined in price and insurance and would cost more in gas mileage.

     After I get the better job and a vehicle to get from place to place I can imagine getting a place to live with a garage to commence upon my projects. These projects would include quite a bit of inventing. I wish that this inventing would achieve something tangible for myself but i know it wont. Another thing which I must start once I get this job is school. I need to get more school. I am not entirely sure of what I need schooling in but during the time of having the well paying job and of having a mode of transportation I should be researching through business contacts and through other sources what is required for me to become the next level of success.

     At this current time I do have ideas of what could happen next but they could entirely change because that is so far off. In life the thing which I need most to create success is more capability of testing my theories. I have so many theories that I cannot even come close to testing them. They all overlap because all I am is a ball of thought. Once I can test them I will end up spending more time testing and less time thinking causing less clutter in my brain and in my life.

     Money is the thing which I would say I need the most but it is only the idea behind money that i need. It is the empowerment behind money that i need. I need the capability to do and to experience. I have the capability to think I have the capability to create more thought but I do not have the capability to do. Once I generate the capability to do I will also generate the capability to make others do and that is where real power comes from. Once you know how to make others do you have entered the parabola, the point of no return, the place which it only gets better. I have theories about this place but no way to back them up

burningman 2010

in 2010 i will be living in sothern california and i would like to join up with rue morgue agian. i feel that it would help me with my passion for understanding the human psychee and helping humans to deal with there problems beter. i have written a great bit lately about the human psychee and i find myself reaching a plateu of the knowlege i can atain from within myself without causing myself to explode into the great nuthingness that exist in the void of my psychee. i hope to find this help by being part of a very close nit group of friends. in sothern california this group exists for me and i would like to observe them listen to them and mimic them to learn the psychee of those who are the most diffrent from how i am. after a year of doing this i hope i can learn how to comunicate my thoughts, which i have writen and spoken, to people who have never been introduced to this kind of thought or idea, and also people who are so diffrent from me that there is a comunication barier so great that i cannot currently break it.

this is not my official decision just a thought that i am currently dealing with

the inteligance behind going from depression to happiness

to be happy you have to be open to the fact that being anything other than happy doesn't help your future well being. there is a way that you have to think about your existence to make it always reflect the positive. but to go from always being afraid of the positive, always being sad, lonely or empty to being happy is something i haven't learned yet. i have went through it a few times but i haven't been conscious of the change and haven't been capable of watching the clicks and triggers as they pass. during depression there is a void where the happy thing once was. to end depression you have to find something to put in that hole. many people put alcohol, drugs and other things in that void. some put exercises in that place. they are all forms of a drug exercises fills your brain with natural endorphins and a natural attentiveness to something other than the thing which makes you depressed. i am striving to find a thought that could take this place. a thing you could do which is non-physical which would act as the distraction to negativity. i feel that this thought would be the central thought which takes place during the transformation phase. i don't know what this thought is and i haven't experienced depression and transformation enough in my life while being conscious of what is happening to describe or even understand what the mental process was that caused the transformation.

you could say that the end of depression is action it is getting up and moving yourself from what is not good. one cannot completely disassociate oneself from the body and be happy because our perspective and the influence on our perspective is inevitably the things which surround our physical body. this is a break from what i have previously been striving for. i have realized that you cannot attain all prosper and happiness from thinking alone but from the combination of thought and implementation thought into action to change the perspective. make the surroundings control your thought to bring it to a new point which would help one be a better being. you must have the intuition to decide which surroundings would make a good molding hand for your "self" and place yourself in that hand.

i have previously described the mold of the happy person and now i must try to describe the mold of the sad person. one Cannon know good without at the same time understanding what the opposite is.

another thing which i would like to talk about is the state of thinking versus the place of action. by action i mean when you are working out, when you are dancing when you are mountain climbing, when you are concentrating on something which does not require logical thought. it is like you are following a path very closely in your mind, it is like the future path is being laid one step at a time in front of your face and you are stepping on it as it comes. it may require a small amount of thought to keep you on the path but the path is still simple. when you play a video game as a child you are following key influences which provide a direction to where you should be going. you must learn to make intuition out of the logic which you have thought up to make your subconscious just as intelligent as your conscious. the line to ultimate happiness has some place in using your intelligence to control your unintelligent because you cannot deny the existence of the subconscious and of the habit.

in the future i will think and talk about the realm of habit and intuition. i Haven used my consciousness to Analise this place of being lately because i saw that intelligence makes so much sense and why be intuitive when you have intelligence. now i will use my intelligence to mold my intuition so i can relax while being at work and have fun at the same time.

Higher wisdom

it is the need for understanding yourself. prayer is a form of meditation and meditation is basically concentrating very deeply on that which is yourself. you ask for what you at your heart want. when you get deep into meditation you will realize things which are so profound and so amazing that they will make your whole existence an ecstatic place of never ending knowledge and wisdom. you will reach places where no longer does the struggle of your self mater and it enters a realm of the struggle of all of humanity as a whole. you start to think in unison with the existence which you perceive from an outer perspective towards the existence around you. it is an amazing experience which i greatly encourage you to adventure to.

the worst of my life right now

you were afraid of getting hurt and by being this you hurt the very one you were afraid of being hurt by. now i am empty i have no place to lay my emphasis. i cared so much i wanted so much it was only going to be good but now it is all gone. now i have no place to put myself. i feel like a blank page with no pen you were my pen you were my feather. its gone now and i dont know what to do. i have dreams of finding your head severed grusomely from your body in a box this quickly procedes to be a dream of finding my own head in a box. i wake up in the morning not knowing what i did last night only to hear from people that i was a completely diffrent person that i was awake all night long that i was partying agian that i was alive and doing stuff but i remember going to sleep earlier than that. i go to work and people tell me that i am crazy it makes me happy because i feel that crazyness is a good thing but then at times i realize that i realy am crazy and that i am falling deeper and deeper into it and i dont even know what i am typing right now i am just listening to the music and crying but i dont know what is going on i have to wake up at 3 and go to work and count 18oo dolars exact to the peny and dont know how i am going to do it. i dont know anymore i just need to be surrounded by those i love agian. i have so much love and i dont know what to do whith it if only someone would come save me from myself

empty

i just dont know what to do with myself. i have to much time to myself. there isnt anything i can acomplish at this point in my life. i have completed all the opertunity i have and the only opertunities which i havent acomplished are to far away for me to even work at them right now. all i can do is wait.

there are a fiew things which i can do but none of them are things that will directly acomplish anything. they are all personal acomplishments which require passion and drive to achieve. at this current time in my life i dont have the passion or drive. there is nothing to live for other than the prospect of a beter future in the distant future. i look forward to nuthing in the current position i am in.

i guess this chapter of my life would be called the waiting game. i have achieved enlightment and now all that is left is time.

striving

i feel like a submarine sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

as i fall the pressure builds.

the sun is moving away and all i have left of it is my memory.

my skin is starting to wrinkle and fail.

i have been sinking for so long that my memory is starting to deteriorate.

even as the memorys leave me the pressure is still building with no end in sight.

i am starting to forget why the pressure is building.

i find myself striving for the final implosion which will release the pressure and leave me as a peacefull shell of the thing that i once was laying at the bottom of the ocean at one with my surroundings.

care

i wish she could just contact me. i only nead to hear it once. i need to know that she is ok.

when i was a young boy my partents constantly pushed on me to raise myself to be the man with the perfect values. one who would care for someone nomater what they did. the reason i have found to be able to care is because people only do things becuase in their reality that is the best option. they have to do it and it shouldnt offend you that that person is not you.

i understand that she may be going through a mental breakdown and that she may need to dissapear for a while. i just wish that i could have a little glance of what the future of her existance looks like to her so i can understand weather i fit into it anymore. i realy want to fit in but if the changes that have happened have pushed one out of the path it would be nice to know this and to get on with it. this sounds a little negative but it isnt ment to sound negative.

i have to much care in me and when there is no place for my care to drain to it is like i am a watter balloon atached to the end of a hose with no child to turn the watter off when i get full. i burst a little last night. it probably hurt but i cant remember it because of the alcohol.

i just want to hear that she is ok

waste

we are always trying to correct eachothers spelling, vocabulary, and usage of words. why try to fix grammer, as long as we understand the point why does it matter. language is a changing thing. it has always been a changing thing in one day and age negro ment black as in the color of black at one time it ment a derogatory term for the african american type of person who was a slave and generaly viewed as less than human. the term retard means to make slow, or to delay the development or progress of. but in one time it was a derogatory word that meant the people who are less than us and had bound to it a negative thought. at this current time in my generation retard means people with mental slowness there is no derogatory meaning bound it is simply a term. why must people get offended when we dont capatalize the begining of a sentance. what are capatal leters for. i can understand capatals in names or in capatalizing a full word to emphesize the word within the sentance. but why must we capatalize the begining of a sentance or capatalize i and other words.

the human race at the current time is a very wastefull being. i think the main reason for this is that we have up untill recently been ruled by a select fiew who got lucky enough to gain an advantage phisicaly. these people got very gready and specialized very much so in what made them proud. this specialization was what created laws. they wanted to keep their happy little place that was very customized to allow only their way of life to exist. the subconsous tends to be happy when things do not change, this is why i would imagine the people of power in the past would inforce such laws that would limit the ability of the race to be efficient. everyone is efficient in diffrent ways.

calling the revolutionaries

just imagine that you were around durring the begining of any great scene, the rave scene, the hippy scene, the young rock scene, the young indi scene, any of the young scenes. now immagine the connections you would have with the people who helped you form this scene. wouldnt it be an unforgetable feeling. it would be one of those times you would think back on for the rest of your life as one of the best times of your life. it would be invaluable.

at the current time in our society and our world people are realy without a path. we dont realy know what is to come we are scared we are in a depression. most people dont expect much good to come soon. because of this it is actualy much easier to get ahead of the pack. the pack is hiding in the backround trying not to get hurt because they are constantly told that the hurt will be coming. if one just steps out and trys during a time like this the advantages could be immense. you could gain such an advantage over the ones around you that you would be in pure extacy riding on a cloud of ecstacy with no one to slow you down.

now is the perfect time to help people, it is the perfect time to inspire and to create. with the newfound honesty of the world and the newfound sense of peace, there could be a revolution of unknown prosper.

i want to bring uppon a new wonderfull thing for this world but the people of this world have to help me for it to happen. i dont know what it is that i want to create, but, the people of this world do. if we bring togeather our thoughts and values we can create the incomprehensable

burning man without the old naked men

being old and naked isnt a bad thing. being depressed about the fact that you went through a mid life crisis, and expressing it by trying to make your uglyness and your lack of success in a certian field beautiful isnt the way to go. if you make it to half way through your life and you find that you are having a mid life crisis you shouldnt try to do the same thing that put you into the mid life crisis beter or the wright way when you feel that you did it wrong before. by trying to make your old thing pritty you arent fixing it, you are just puting a mask over it. once you realize you have done something bad in your life dont get depressed about the fact that you have. you should be happy because you now know what to not do and you now will be on the way to fixing it and it will be beter soon. by being negative after realizing this you are just hindering yourself more from improving and becoming happy.

when i become old i will be naked and i expect it to be a rather un apealing sight. so i may paint on my back "look at the ugly" with an arow pointing to my ass. i may wear a afro wig on my front to keep people from having to look at my gnarly penis. i will not try to make myself look prety when i am actualy ugly. people naturaly, out of the corner of their eyes, see what they expect, and after turning to look at what they expect to be an apealing sight realize what it realy is. this is the same reason that in optical illusions you can never see the black dots or why dim stars disapear when you look at them. dont make people think they are going to see beautiful yung ass only to see hairy flabby dirt.

The Mindset of the Happy Folk

i feal that the reason that the human psychee strives for relationships and friendships is because we have subconcious questions and feelings which we dont know the answer to. the only way we can get the answer is by surrounding ourselves with the kind of people or the situation we think would have the answer we want. but if we, in turn, just find out that they dont have the answer to that all important question, but have a diffrent answer which we werent ready to believe or accept. we will then turn to our natural instinct, emotion. emotion is what animals evolved to make them respond properly to stimulus which would otherwise take inteligent thought. as the human race has evolved we have evolved the aspect of inteligent thought and hense emotion is rendered useless and distractive. this is the stem of drama and loss of those which you were close to.

people suffer because they dont understand how to percieve the reality around them. they constantly run around in fear constantly being negative. if one is constantly thinking about the things which could go wrong when they do go wrong there wont be any surprise and surprise is what causes emotion. emotion is the only thing out of our controll that effects our perseption in any way other than how we would like it to be. if you just realize that being angry or sad doesnt effect the outcome of that event in any way other than a negative way and you can change your attitude to be a positive reflection of the fact that i am still here and i am still learning from my mistakes, you will only gain a greater controll over your perseption and a more positive one at that. every time something goes bad you should automaticaly understand that you are still alive and you have just learned something. what you have just learned will stop you from, in the future, having the same ill luck come apon you because you have learned something.

now that you have learned this you can use your knolege to prepare yourself before you go into a situation to make that situation turn out as a positive one. because you know that being negative wont make any situation beter you can also immagine the things which could go wrong and take pride in the fact that you are prepared instead of being scared or depressed. by being scared you are in a way putting yourself in the emotional state you would be in when something goes wrong before hand so it cant effect you in that way. the whole mindset is a kind of thought loop that can only make you happier with time.

the one thing that i fear and i fear more than death

there are very fiew times in my life when i feel the feelings of paranoya, insomnia, fear, depression, lonelyness, and a fiew other emotions of these type. when i do as now is usualy when i am coming down from taking extacy. this must be the seccond worst of the times i have ever experienced. the only reason it isnt the worst is because i now have the experience to understand that my paranoya, fear and depression are all thoughts that are illogical and i know that when i come out of the effects of the drugs wearing off i will look back and see this in a very diffrent light.

the reason i am taking this so horobly this time is partialy because i have been letting myself fall freely because i have finaly found someone i can trust. i have never before in my life found someone i felt i could trust like this. it scares me in a way... ...and, at the same time, it feels so rediculosly wonderfull that it is worth the fear.

i was just told by kitten that she wants to take a break untill i move down there because she is falling to quickly, the relationship is moving to quickly. i completely understand this. i do not hold this agianst her and i feel that it is a smart decision.

when i find that i want to move from one place to another i take that changing point as a point where i can feel comfortable changing many things in my life to how i would like them to be. every time i have moved there has been a girl where i am moving that i have told myself that i am moving for. the image i build in my head of the girl i dream of is one who understands that by being completely honest and comunicating even those things which could be damaging twards the relationship because of misunderstanding of feelings, one is inevitably strengthening the relationship because in the future there will be less chance of misunderstanding, and less chance of falter. in the beginging this could be an extremely hard thing, but over time it would only become more and more easy and also only more and more fruitfull. this is why i have always been 100% honest with every person i have ever been in a relationship with about everything i am feeling. this has caused the vast majority of my relationships to end permaturely. it has caused many many problems and i feel that this is the only way to have a truly successfull relationship in our ever changing time. i also admit that there could be other ways but i havent yet learned of them. in the past when i have arived at my destination uppon seeing how i am and seeing the honesty i have the person who i arive to often times gets scared away by my sincerity and honesty.

i feel that i have found someone who would not be scared off by that. but i do always understand if my immage is skewed.

the reason i search out for a person to hold on to while i move is because i am making a lot of changes in myself for what i feel to be the beterment of onself. it is an instable place for me and it is the only thing i am afraid of in this world. just writing this right now is making me tear up. but it is a thing that i beleave to inevitably be worth the danger. over the past 2 years i have learned many valuable lessons i have learned how to think about things in a philosophical manner. i understand how to look at choices i have in an outside view and value them acording to which would help me and the people around me the best.

what is causing my insomnia at this current time is the fact that i dont know if i would be able to make the change and the move which i feel to be so important to my wellbeing without the suport of a significant other. i am very sure that if i were to make the change and move only to find that that significant other wasnt there for me i would have another mental break down and i have no idea where i could end up after that happens agian. probably in a gutter somewhere looking up wondering who i am and how i got here.

>the thought has run through my mind to try to teach myself to change myself without the support of another but i know if i did this i would endup growing to be an angry lonely old man who didnt care about anything in life other than his own success and i would have a midlife crisis which would be me realizing that i should have strived for that which maters most, friends. and i would probably endup killing myself around age 60 or 70.

i feel that this change i am about to embark on will be the one that will set me on the path of being rediculously successfull while at the same time keeping those friends who i value the most and reaching a life of balance and love.

i have to wake up in 3 hours and i am hoping that writing this down will help me to be able to sleep but i realy feel that it wont because i am still afraid of changing myself without something to lean on.

success

over the past few months ever sense the UN subcommittee on the drug war converged for their meeting which comes ever 10 years to discuss the success of the drug war over the past 10 and the direction of the future 10. the conclusion was that the drug war has done no good and was a complete waste of funds and they don't know what to do about the future. there are comments coming from Washington making statements similar to the many deaths and misfortune in northern Mexico associated with the drug cartels is because of the Americans insatiable need for drugs. and many statements showing that we spend more money on jailing people for drug charges than any other thing when taxes from legalizing drugs would easily pay for any aid efforts to help people recover from drugs when they are having problems.

there are estimates that drug use would double but also drug problems would be cut in half. currently people who do drugs and have a problem with them feel that the only people they can go to for help are the others who have the same problem. they are subconsciously afraid of approaching anybody because of the terror of never being able to have a job again, rent an apartment and so much more that becomes harder after convicted. if it was legal they would seek out help because the help would be provide either for free or for a very inexpensive price through subsidies. ultimately i feel that the people of this nation would learn the lesson they need to learn from the drugs and it would be a good thing. if they don't learn the lesson they will go get help because it would be made to be free and easy.

ultimately i feel that the people of this nation would learn the lesson they need to learn from the drugs and it would be a good thing. if they don't learn the lesson they will go get help because it would be made to be free and easy.

if drugs are legalized i feel that it will be another 15 to 20 years before we could approach the point of all drugs being legal if that is possible. i do feel that marijuana will at least be decriminalized by 2012 or 2013 once this happens there will be a hole new group of people wanting to try the drug. currently the people who try drugs and continue to explore the experience are either people who feel that it doesn't matter because they are never going to be working in a job that currently in our times would consider the use of marijuana to be a discrediting factor to your professional reputation. the others are people who are very intelligent and don't care about being "successfully" in our society or view success as a different thing than those of the professional community. if it was legalized there would be a sudden boom of intellectuals who have plans for changing the world by being political or professional trying the drug and looking for guidance as to how to experience it in the most profitable way.

I like to consider myself a respect full professional and responsible person. i do not feel that what drugs you have done should give any person any right to discredit you. if i hadn't taken drugs in my life i would not have found my passion and would probably be a pretty "unsuccessfully" person and not have a grip on life and what relay maters. in times of legal drugs a new scene would likely emerge of the old type of professional person meeting up with the intelligent people of the drug scene who use the drugs for help with complicated philosophical thought. the structure of this scene would be the opposite of the norm in our society the "unintelligent""unsophisticated" people would be teaching and leading in the revolution of the "intelligent""sophisticated" type.

The Flexability of the Mind

there is an ability or power i have and i don't know if anybody else has. it is why i believe i am more capable than most of the people on this planet in most aspects of life. the story of how i developed this ability starts when i was young around 10-12 years old. i was diagnosed at 9 years old with a severe case of A.D.D. from my recollection my doctor, who was one of the leading A.D.D. Physicians of the time, believed that i had one of the worst cases of A.D.D. he had ever seen. i was placed on an adults dose of Adderall at 10 years old. once the drugs took control of my A.D.D. i went through very basic behaviour training by my devoted father and the doctors under closely monitored conditions. i was trained by only having one stimulus present or available at a time. as i became better at concentrating i would get a lower dose and a lower dose of the drug along with more and more stimulus. once i was off of the drugs i became more capable of concentrating on the task at hand than the children and kids around who used to surpass me. after living with this ability for many years. i have learned that they actually cured me of my A.D.D. by transforming it into the overwhelming ability to control my attention and focus it. they did this not by getting rid of a so called deficit of attention but by teaching me how to properly value the things in life which i could possibly pay attention to. they taught me to weigh my options analytically and always do the thing witch would have the best impact on my future.

I feel that A.D.D. isn't attention deficit disorder but that it is attention surpluses disorder. as a young child i would sit down and play with my Lego's, i would play for hours and days. everything i built looked better and far surpassed any of the models my parents, friends, or anybody else i had ever met had ever seen. if it was truly Attention deficit disorder i have know idea how i could have been so devoted to this task. during school and during homework time while i was struggling with my disorder i would be in the deepest state of concentration on the things i felt were important to me such as Lego's, television, my friends, recess. the whole time i would be concentrating extremely hard, i had no fear of failing or doing bad in school because that didn't have a significant impact on my happiness based on the things i had experienced in the past, it is very logical if you think about it this way. i was annoyed that i was always being interrupted in the middle of my important concentration and research.

i now have complete control of my "subconscious". i can almost hear my subconscious talk to me. if i think back on that feeling you have in the back of my brain and my body when i am at the verge of falling asleep i can now make my self go into a state of dreaming i almost start seeing them happen in front of me and then when i decide to let myself sleep i instantly fall into the deepest sleep. when things are going bad i can think back on the other times that things have went bad and think of how that has effected the future soon afterwards. it has never had as much of a long lasting effect as i think it will while it is happening. once i realize this i instantly start thinking in a completely different manner, i am no longer depressed and hopeless. i have the power to look at what happened to make me angry, Analise it, and understand how this will or could impact the future. if nothing good could come i log it in my memory as a lesson and set a new rule in my brain for what i have learned from this. the fact that i have learned something means that the future will inevitably be better and that makes me happy again.

the frase free your mind has been used many times by many people. they usually mean if you see someone doing something you disagree with but that wont effect you in a negative way learn to live with it. to me it means something completely different. it means let your mind have no boundaries to its capability at any time. i feel that this may be the secret to gaining control of a larger portion of your brain than we currently have. because of this i can make myself multi task much better and learn multiple things by participation extremely fast because i can watch the way people move and analyze that with the logical part of my brain while listening to their words and drawing a map between the two actions to understand more wholly what they mean.

while i am doing this i am not analyzing the actions for now but i am analyzing them for the future, i am training my muscles to do the movement or my brain to do the task that it will need to do without the repetition that is necessary for most people to come to this point, that way when i do have to do this task instead of thinking about what is happening i can instead think about the things around me and plan for the future of based on the new stimulus.

as you grow your mind gains new talents by the narrowing and defining of the synapses. an infant has a much larger percentage of synapses than an adult. Maybe if learning to open the synapses and work with a larger amount you can achieve much more amazing things psychologically.

Coming of Age

As I went through the end of high school we learned of tales of the past's coming of age ceremonies. Throughout all time coming of age has meant to learn the things we need for making the future of our life successful. Weather that was hunting, cooking, or the making of fire it was always based around the future of the person’s life. In this day and age more and more people are having a coming of age experience which heavily involves psychedelic drugs. Because of this I feel that my generation’s greatest power will be the power of abstract thought and mental control beyond that of any previous form of human life. I feel that this generation should not be called generation x or y or the digital age but it should be called the generation of the mental infinite. This is the age where people will learn what that extra 90 percent of our brains is used for.

For me there is a dramatic break in my memory from the time before I had taken psychedelic drugs to the time afterward. The break isn’t how you would expect from what is taught in our society of the impact of drugs on the mind. For me the memories from before were as if I was asleep and dreaming, I had no conscious control over what was happening I was just watching myself while at the same time I had some subconscious ability to steer in one direction or the other. I hadn’t yet learned how to be conscious and state facts in my head in a logical manner for the purpose of self expansion in the future. Now I do not take the memories of things that happened to me to be of any more importance than the things I have seen happen to anybody else. I view myself and everybody around me as one person when I think I think for the larger portion.

When I am living life and things are happening to me and around me I place no extra weight on things that happen to me verses things that happen to those around me.

I analyze the impact and the outcome and make new sets of rules or guidelines for me that reflect what has been experienced by my consciousness, not by my physical being.

Doing this makes it so that when I am surrounded by different circumstances and large amounts of people I am able to enhance my wisdom at a more accelerated rate than any of the other people around me.

These people who are in the same situation often would be distracted by the entire stimulus being given to them and not know which is important.

There is so much more to be learned from what others experience than from what you experience on your own

the Speed of Love

love is like you are running down stairs. these stairs are different than ordanry stairs because they bring with them a series of images and feelings. sometimes you run faster some times you run slower. when you fall in love it makes the running become easier because the stairs start moving uphill on their own. this brings on the pleasing images and feelings quicker and more abundantly. but once love grows above the accustomed you start to loose control. so you must find an escape before you come tumbling down on your face like a fool.

the faster you run the more joy you get from the stair case, but you also have to maintain at the speed you are practaced at. sometimes the beautiful things can blind you from the reality of what is coming but in a truly correct relationship the pictures should also show a bit of the future and a bit of the dangers to come, to condition you for a more diverse and more pleasing ride.

The Revolutionary War

The revolution or depression of now is in the way we process information and the way we organize "digital" law. i feel that in one of the next revolutions to come in this world; and i say world not country because i feel that with the media how it is and the world working how it does we are extremely close to becoming a singular world consciousness, we will be coming to a point where the main factor in the hindering of the human race from succeeding in whatever we want will be the mental and emotional shortfalls or brokenness of ourselves.

My mother was a psyche-nurse for all of my child hood and most of my adult life. This gave me great insight into the workings of the human mind. through out life whenever i would see someone do something, say something, or respond to some stimulus in a way that i didn't understand, i would not be afraid or confused about it. i first think what in this persons history would shape this person to perceive the stimulus the way they did. after a whole life of thinking this way, constantly trying to imagine the unimaginable, constantly asking or straining for what i cannot conceive, i now instantly can imagine why everyone on this planet experiences their personal little piece of this world the way they do. there are so many different ways to think, so many different ways to experience the world, and so many different ways of perceiving the same circumstances. most of the thought processes end with the same physical outcome of the situation but they all end in a different mental outcome.

i work at Starbucks and working at a place like this i get to see a lot of people in a lot of stress. the customers at Starbucks tend to be the kind of people who are constantly on edge, constantly on the go, and constantly unhappy with the life around them. the unhappiness is the reason for the excessive amounts of caffeine. they feel that if they can work faster or concentrate better they will have more chances of "success". being an employee of an establishment we are constantly under scrutiny everyone wants their drink yesterday and they want it to be made better than is possible from a purveyor such as Starbucks. my coworkers go through the day complaining and bitching back and forth about the customers and the problems. the point i am trying to make is no mater how annoyed you are with the customers, you are not allowed to show that annoyance to the customer, and the fact that you are in a negative place in your head is not going to make the situation any better. it can only make the situation worse. you will be snappy with the customers which will make them snappy back and very quickly the hole situation evolves into a quick moving vortex to the place of doom. if the people i work with could get around the fact that being angry about what happens to you isn't going to help you and realize that there are things which could be learned from the situation to make your future experience of the situation a better one they would go far.

i spend my time in the present not thinking about the present. when something happens in the present i think about what just happened, i evaluate when that kind of a thing has happened in the past and what the outcome was. i then create a loose set of pretenses that i can put experiences in the future into to make the decision that when these pretenses happen i will proceed with the pre-decided and contemplated procedure. that way i will always think before i act but always act before i think.

the paragraph which comes before this paragraph is probably a mildly stimulating paragraph to the average human being causing a small amount of revelation and a small amount of thought but nothing compared to what the following paragraph says.

when ever i revive a negative stimulus or something that isn't a positive impact on my immediate future. first i realise that the odds of that thing happening to me sometime in the future are either very likely or very unlikely. in the case of it being very likely i am happy because this negative stimulus has just encouraged me to start thinking in a different way in a way that will make the same incident in the future into a positive incident because i have prepared for it. in the case of it being a very rare thing i think well that just happened and it was bad but the likely hood of it happening soon in the future is not very much and it will probably be a long time till it happens again.